DESTINY MAKES THE ULTIMATE MOVE

It was just another Saturday at home. I was sitting on the couch, laptop in front of me, phone in my hand and the TV switched on and Masterchef Australia was being telecasted.

I was chatting (on Facebook) with an old school friend, wishing her on her engagement and asking about her would-be husband. She said, ‘Mr.S (Let me call him that, privacy reasons). He works in the UK’. I, being the usual curious cat, just searched his name on facebook to see if I can just have a glimpse of him, what he was and how he looked. I landed up in some other Mr.S’ profile, and the first post was this.

“Ms.N (That’s how I wish to mention her here), I still can't believe that I will not be seeing your smiling face on Monday morning or in fact from now on. But that's what comes in my mind when I hear your name. May you be happier and always smiling in the presence of more superior people (GOD) than us. Let him take care of you. May your soul rest in peace.

I don't know what else to say. You were a very good friend to all of us. We will miss you always in our life and we will have one good friend less”

I didn’t know who this person was. I didn’t know the girl mentioned in the post either. But it still shook me to think someone unexpectedly died. Death. It rang hard in my mind. It felt bad.

I was curious again. I clicked on the tagged name and I saw Ms.N’s profile. Beautiful pictures of her and her husband. Her second recent post had this line 'I want the sun, I want the rains, I want the clouds, I want the winter chill, I want it all'. Tch. May be she has them all now. And then, happy pictures. Just like other much-in-love young couples. When I saw those happy pictures, my heart cribbed. I was wondering why life should be so cruel for people. Such a sweet-looking couple, they must have loved each other so much to have not even imagined destiny would do this to them. I went on to see their pictures and posts. Married for one and half years. Tch. A million dreams must have been shattered. At least she turned out to be lucky not to feel the pain that the other must be struggling to live with.

Destiny takes people’s lives through complete unexpected turns and them stabs them so hard. Doesn’t it?

I went on to see her husband Mr.M’s profile. Happier pictures. I wept without tears. Just seeing them happy made me feel terrible, for the smiles may never return this way. The husband, Mr.M, I’m sure cannot smile for a very long time from now. Tch. Cruel fate. So merciless. 

And then I scrolled to read his most recent post (August 8^th):

‘You will always be remembered - From the deepest of my heart!

Love you and miss you a lot...

Ms.N- 13.11.1987 to 01.08.2014’

Some 85 friends had poured in consoling words for the unhealable soul as he explained ‘My wife expired in a tragic accident in Bangalore, on 1st August. She was on a two wheeler returning from office when she got mowed down under the huge wheels of a BMTC bus. She died before reaching hospital, because of excessive loss of blood!!’

I was just thinking of these questions. How much pain he would be undergoing now! How terribly lost he must be feeling! How helpless he would feel! He must be wishing life gives back the only thing he wanted now. One life, the one life that held his world. When I imagined how it must be killing him, I shuddered at the very thought of losing the most beloved one. Life never prepares you for this. It doesn’t give you any option to decide, sometimes. C-R-U-E-L.

I just googled to find out about this accident and I don’t know why I did it.

Three online newspapers said this: A software engineer died under the jurisdiction of White Field traffic police station in Bengaluru when a BMTC bus hit her from the back. N(28), a techie, resides in an apartment on _______. She visited her relatives’ home and was on her way back to their home when this accident occurred.

In the midway to her home, a BMTC Bus hit her from back, when the driver of the bus wanted to overtake the scooter she was riding at that time. During this episode, the victim fell down from the scooter and the bus ran over her head. In this incident Ms.N died at the location of the incident. The bus driver fled away from the spot. A case has been booked and the police have been investigating the matter.

It is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. Awful.

As I went through the shocked and consoling messages pouring in his profile, I had this wildest of wild ideas to write to him. I had no mutual friends with him, of course, my message will end up in his ‘other’ inbox, where he would perhaps never see the message. I didn’t know who he was, or his wife. Yet it felt like I had some connection with them. So, I thought, no harm. I did message him.

I don’t know who you are. You don’t know me. I just happened to stumble upon your profile on facebook through someone else’s and I read the news of your wife’s demise. It was terrible. Very saddening.

News about anyone’s death shakes me. For it makes me weep for their loved ones.

Death. It is horrible enough to create a gaping hole in your life, forever. All the happy memories turn painful to think of. All the dreams, castles build in the minds and hearts, shatter into a million pieces. The pain will stab your heart every day, for many many years from now. Things will not go back. I know it is the destiny that takes humans through such paths. And for reasons many, we cannot fight back destiny and we are obliged to go with what life has in store for us.

But this is how life chooses to make us strong. Through pain, through tears, through memories that kill us. For almost forever.

Months pass by, you will stop crying. Years pass by, you will shut out your memories, just so that you don’t cry. It does not signify that you don’t love or miss your wife anymore. It is just a sign that you are trying to get strong. We as humans, should move on. Move on necessarily does not mean having another person in life to fill the space. It is all about yourself. You will get stronger someday. No matter how handicapped you feel today, you will rise again. For yourself. For your family. For your wife who doesn’t want to see you sad and broken, no matter how far she is seeing you from now.

And when people leave the world, they do subconsciously teach us lessons to live alone and stronger. And someday, you will be strong enough to push back memories that will break you.

It is going to take many months and years.

But someday, it will be better. No matter how impossible it seems now.

When my grandfather passed away, I couldn’t accept it. It was the first death that I saw. Someone who lived with me since the day I was born, had to leave us, one day. After 21 yrs of seeing him every day, I couldn’t accept that he was not going to be with me at my home anymore. I was furious at death. I wrote 18 sad poems missing him and crying for months. For a year. For a few more months after that.

Then, I stopped thinking about him. Just so that I will not cry. I had to beat back the guilt of not thinking of him, just so that I will grow stronger.

I know that talking about the death of a grandpa is no match to that of a wife, someone you consider as the world, but this, perhaps, is the only way I can talk about what I felt about death.

And then someday I became strong enough to respect death and then I wrote this.

The beauty in life after

The old yellow leaf

Let go from its world,

Floats in the air,

And swings its way down,

To place itself on the grey tomb.

The birds chirp sweetly,

In a sound that is almost music.

The leaves of the dark green trees,

Rustling in the wind,

Makes the place colder.

The loud silence is ending.

The dew drops are drying.

The sun is almost peeping out.

The insects crawl back home.

The breeze sings the hymns.

A beautiful morning.

In the most genuine place ever.

A place that paves way to heaven.

Millions of memories stay reduced in a stone.

The most genuine emotions stay contained in the place.

A place with dried tears of love.

A place where the blessed and the sinned are laid,

To reach the destined place away from the world.

A world of its own.

A life after the life.

After meeting the ultimate truth.

The truth of death.

The one truth that cannot be denied.

The truth that is most true of all.

The truth that one has to accept.

That comes calling the one time.

Most feared, yet it bores beauty to it.

It has to be embraced when its time.

With a smile that says all.

It has to be loved the way one loves life.

It has to be respected for what it is.

The most genuine truth.

The one that makes the world as much as the life.

The one that makes us ponder.

And yearn for love when you wait for it.

Death is the harsh truth that we end up accepting.

Life will go on, no matter what.

It will get better someday.

Someday, very far from now.

Today, this might be just one of the many condolence messages pouring in,

No words will suffice to console a grieving heart,

But someday this message might make sense.

Brace your heart, don’t let it break anymore.

You should get stronger.

You should lead your life for all the meaning it still possesses.

You will be okay someday.

Someday.

With this, I just limited myself to think about them for a few times a day and just glance at the end of the message to see if he has read it. Though I don’t expect him to. I expect nothing. My heart leapt up to them. I wanted to talk to them, as much as I feel like I know them. I tried my bit to reach out to him. That is all I can do. Isn’t it?

There must be many such husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children and lovers grieving about someone they lost. It is like a holding a world made of glass and then watch it shatter into pieces that you cannot hold anymore or even grasp from thin air. Nothing can heal them. But may be a little more love can soothe the wounds? May be a little care and concern may help them grieve less? For they may know they are not alone in this world.

May everyone be blessed and life be less painful!