The Rape Coffee

I hear his footsteps,

My eyes go wide in fear,

And I cry for help,

I know what’s about to happen,

And I’m scared again.

This is not the first time,

But let me go, I plead,

Helplessly twirling

Around the rope I’m bound to,

Let me go, I would rather die,

I scream as he puts his fist into me,

The pain tearing my soul,

I stay still so that I don’t bleed,

As he inserts the rod into my vagina,

And I know the pain isn’t going to stop,

This has happened before,

And this will happen again,

I remember my first time,

The pain killed my body,

But I waited 9 months,

To see the baby I had started loving,

Carrying him around inside me,

I dreamt of feeding him,

And as soon as I saw him first,

I tried to touch him and bring him close,

And he was taken away,

I called out for him every day,

I lost my voice crying for him,

I never saw him again,

I lost him, forever.

And then I was groped,

And groped again and again,

Every single day,

They took my baby’s milk,

And let me live in agony,

The pain happened,

I bore it again,

As I carried a baby,

I dreamed again,

And this time, I fed her,

And then she was taken away,

Before I could protect her, 

But she was mine, wasn't she?

She was taken away far,

I could hear her all day,

And she heard my cries every day,

Asking her to come back,

And then they groped me again,

They took away all the milk

That I made for her,

I lived again in the dark,

And then today I’m in pain again,

I have stopped dreaming though,

The pain wouldn’t ever stop, would it?

Like all the other mammals in the world, cows lactate for the sole purpose of nourishing their babies.

Like humans, cows bear their babies for 9 months.

All dairy calves are stolen from their mothers within hours of birth in order to maximize profit by consuming all the milk that the mother produces. 97% of newborn dairy calves are forcibly removed from their mothers within the first 24 hours. The rest are removed in a matter of days. In many developed countries, the male calves are shot dead or tossed in trash. In the so-called humane dairy farms, cows are often taken within the first hour of birth as separation of mother and calf is considered less stressful when they have not been allowed to bond. Following that callous separation, the mother will bellow and scream for days, wondering where her baby is. Can you imagine this happening to a human mother? It’s as painful for the cow mother.

The female calves join the milking herd. They typically spend the first 2 to 3 months of life confined in lonely hutches, fed a diet of milk replacer while humans drink the milk intended for them. The male calves and surplus females are sold to be slaughtered for veal or cheap beef. Or they are chained all their life so that they can be sold for greater profits when they are big and heavy. The beef industry would not exist without the dairy industry. And India is the largest exporter of beef in the world.

To keep them lactating at maximum yields, cows are artificially and repeatedly and forcibly impregnated year after year. The actual insemination happens with the dairy employee inserting a gloved hand through the cow’s rectum to inject the semen of the male and manipulate the uterus through the rectal wall. Yes, that’s how cows get pregnant. This is what happens everywhere across the world. Funny, how we think this is rape when it happens to women, but not female cows.

Because of strong maternal bonds, the mother often stops lactating if the calf has died. Hence an effigy is made by stuffing hay into a dead calf to mimic the presence of calf, so that the mother can keep producing milk. That’s how cruel we humans can get.

And the constant cycle of forced pregnancy and birth year after year does damage to the cow, as it would do to a human mother. Her udder becomes so heavy that it makes her lame and she often develops an agonising infection called mastitis. Trapped in a cycle of forced impregnation, perpetual lactation and near constant confinement, most dairy cows’ overworked bodies begin producing less milk at around 4 to 5 years of age, at which point they are slaughtered.  In natural conditions, cows can live up to 20 to 25 years.

In short, the cow’s milk is full of grief. If you wouldn’t want this to happen to a human mother, why would you want it to happen to a cow mother?

Every cup of dairy, your daily coffee and tea, your cheese pizza, your ghee delicacies, your butter toast, your paneer and curd, your ice creams and milkshakes, they are all full of pain and suffering. Unexplained pain of a mother and her child. Cries that were stifled by pictures of happy cows on the pack of your dairy food.

But do you know that you can make a huge difference by quitting dairy?

Please be kinder to animals. Please. They are mothers too.

FOOD, COWS AND ME.

I lost 19 kgs in 6.5 months. And this is the long story behind it. It is not a solo story of weight loss, but is intertwined with another.

I begin this blog post with 2 main ingredients:

1)      Apologies: I should have written this a long time ago. I made a lot of my friends wait for this.

                    And sorry, this is going to be a very long post

2)   Disclaimer: I am not prescribing this for anyone. I could be very wrong. I’m only sharing my experience through this blog post. This post is all about what I did and what happened. I’m not a nutritionist, not even close. What worked for me need not necessarily work for anyone else.

(a)  Where was I:

So I was weighing 81 kgs. This was February 2017. I had put on 15 kgs in 1.5 yrs after wedding. I hadn’t exercised at all after August 2015 and I had slowly moved from ‘M’, ‘L’, ‘XL’ to ‘XXL’ clothes. I had to buy new clothes every few months because I kept growing out.

I happily binge ate every day. I cooked a lot daily, I was happy gorging on all that I cooked. From a large quantity of poha and curd in the mornings to rice in the afternoons and some heavy dinners. I was happily eating all the food that my friends and colleagues got to work.

My husband and I went out on a few times a week and we happily hogged on the famous cheese pav bhaji, cheese dosa, cheese tawa pulao and cheese vada pav of Mumbai. And a lot of Ferrero rocher milk shakes, ice creams, kulfi and malai from the roadside. I was a happy girl living life to the fullest and sadly health wasn’t a priority to me. I was in a state of euphoria over life.

And do you know what was worse? I had gotten too comfortable with my weight thinking ‘May be I’m meant to be fat and it’s fine’. Like Dawn French had quoted in her autobiography that I read many years ago, “I’ll always be a fat girl and I’m happy with that’.

Yes, you need to be comfortable with your body, but not at the risk of ruining your health. I was harming myself. I was forcing my body to take in all the food I pushed down. I was forcing my body to take so much food that my body didn’t need in the first place.

Everyone kept telling me about how I have put on a lot of weight. And I would be like ‘I know’. The security lady at a mall touched my big tummy while frisking and asked if I was having a baby. The neighbours were asking I had some ‘good news’. Everyone I met was giving me tips to lose weight. Do yoga, drink hot water, walking is the best exercise, and many more. My mother was getting strict with me and giving me targets to lose weight before my next trip home. I would tell her not to ruin my mood by talking about my weight.  I was annoyed and I chose to ignore them all. I was unhealthy and overweight. No, obese actually. At a BMI of 31.6, where 19-25 is the normal range.

(b)  Plot twist: What happened?

To describe what happened, I should start this story from December 2016. I have always been an animal lover, but I realized much later what it takes to be an animal lover with unconditional love for animals. I was introduced to veganism by the facebook posts of Anand Siva, an animal activist in Mumbai that I followed religiously. I had been oblivious to the concept and the rationale behind Veganism. And when I started learning more about it, I decided that I wanted to try this out. I wanted to be a vegan, for animals.

Vegan: A person who does not eat or use animal products.

Why? I didn’t want to contribute to animal cruelty or exploitation in any form.

Cruelty? How? I was always a vegetarian, so there was no question of eating meat. Not even eggs. But dairy? It’s full of cruelty.

Here’s what I didn’t know:

Ø  Did you know that humans are the only animals who drink the breastmilk of another animal?

Ø  70% of the world population is lactose-intolerant, if not extreme, with some after-effects of consuming dairy. The cow’s milk has enzymes that can be processed by the calves, not humans. In the last 15000 years, humans have evolved to process milk.

Ø  We have always been taught that cows ‘give’ us milk. No. We take from them, forcibly. Like all the other mammals in the world, cows lactate for the sole purpose of nourishing their babies.

Ø   Like humans, cows bear their babies for 9 months and you know what happens after that? All dairy calves are stolen from their mothers within hours of birth in order to maximize profit by consuming all the milk that the mother produces. 97% of newborn dairy calves are forcibly removed from their mothers within the first 24 hours. The rest are removed in a matter of days. In many developed countries, the male calves are shot dead or tossed in trash. In the so-called humane dairy farms, cows are often taken within the first hour of birth as separation of mother and calf is considered less stressful when they have not been allowed to bond. Following that callous separation, the mother will bellow and scream for days, wondering where her baby is. Can you imagine this happening to a human mother? Painful and shattering, right? It’s as painful for the cow mother.

Ø  The female calves join the milking herd. They typically spend the first 2 to 3 months of life confined in lonely hutches, fed a diet of milk replacer while humans drink the milk intended for them.

Ø  The male calves and surplus females are sold to be slaughtered for veal or cheap beef. Or they are chained all their life so that they can be sold for greater profits when they are big and heavy. The beef industry would not exist without the dairy industry. And India is the largest exporter of beef in the world.

Ø  To keep them lactating at maximum yields, cows are artificially and repeatedly and forcibly impregnated year after year. Do you really think cows naturally mate and breed? Let me tell you, the actual insemination happens with the dairy employee inserting a gloved hand through the cow’s rectum to inject the semen of the male and manipulate the uterus through the rectal wall. Yes, that’s how cows get pregnant. You can watch these videos on youtube. There are even videos from rural India, because there are no natural processes anymore. Funny, how we think this is rape when it happens to women, but not female cows.

Ø  Because of strong maternal bonds, the mother often stops lactating if the calf has died. Hence an effigy is made by stuffing hay into a dead calf to mimic the presence of calf, so that the mother can keep producing milk. I have seen this! Nauseating, right? That’s how cruel we humans can get.

Ø  And the constant cycle of forced pregnancy and birth year after year does damage to the cow, as it would do to a human mother. Her udder becomes so heavy that it makes her lame and she often develops an agonising infection called mastitis.

Ø  Trapped in a cycle of forced impregnation, perpetual lactation and near constant confinement, most dairy cows’ overworked bodies begin producing less milk at around 4 to 5 years of age, at which point they are slaughtered.  In natural conditions, cows can live up to 20 to 25 years.

Ø  Biological manipulation by hormone injections, abuse of the cows, there is so much more.

In short, the cow’s milk is full of grief. I realized that if I wouldn’t want this to happen to a human mother, I wouldn’t want it to happen to a cow mother either.

And as the vegan activist Shasvathi Siva rightly said, “I would put myself in the situation of the cow mother and it made me so sad to think that someone would forcefully impregnate me only to squeeze milk out of me”. (That too with machines?!)

So swinging back to the story, this is why I wanted to stop consuming dairy. Slowly, I cut off dairy from my coffee/tea, I cut down on curd, I cut down on ice-creams, and in mid-march 2017, I arrived at a complete vegan diet. I realized that an animal’s life is more important than my pizza.

No milk. No curd. No butter. No ghee. No cheese. No paneer. No gelatin. (No honey either)

No ice creams. No cakes. No chocolates. No pizza. No biscuits, mayonnaise, store-bought snacks, or even home-made murukku-thattai. They all had milk solids, or butter or some form of dairy. I would look into the label and read the ingredients and watch out for ‘milk solids'.

Oh, yes, no diwali sweets. I didn’t have any sweet because they mostly have ghee or milk in them.

I quit them all. I put the life of animals before my greedy needs and I turned a complete vegan.

Well, I keep telling people that being a vegan is not just diet. I can’t cheat or just have non-vegan food for just a day. It’s a lifestyle. It is the way I chose to live my life, in a cruelty-free way, which doesn’t stop with the food I eat. I started using cosmetics of brands that are not tested on animals. I stopped encouraging leather - Leather products are made from the skins of cattle and calves, also made from the skins of horses, sheep, lambs, goats, pigs, alligators, even kangaroos. Haven’t you seen how the cattle in India are treated when they are transported and killed for leather? I have convinced my mother not to buy silk sarees anymore.

So, when I made this switch in diet, I started dropping weight. I lost 10 kgs in 2 months. Not just because I cut off dairy, but because I realized that I had been eating unhealthy all along, I realized that I had been hurting my body in the recent years and I started eating very healthy.

(c)  What made the difference?

Ø  I started eating a lot of fruits, vegetables, legumes and other healthy stuff. I started including a lot of vegetables in all the meals I cooked.

Ø  I reduced the quantity of food that I was eating, because it was definitely way more than what my body wanted. I reduced the quantity of my meals for ‘need’ from ‘greed’.

Ø  I started eating in intervals. I ate a healthy small snack/meal every 2 hours.

Ø  I cut down on my junk food and snacks.

Ø  I ate food that was easy for my body to process.

Ø  And the best part, I learnt to say NO to temptation.

Ø  Nothing safer and healthier than freshly cooked home food. I stopped eating food from outside. Almost to zero. On rare unavoidable situations where I had to go out, I would have a fresh juice or a noodle/pasta variety with plain vegetables.

Ø  I took the stairs ALWAYS instead of elevators/escalators.

(d)  What and how I ate:

Ø  Black coffee in the mornings. And gradually in a couple of months I lost the habit, so I don’t drink even black tea or black coffee now. No warm drink in the morning.

Ø  Loads of fruits. Like a kiwi/strawberry in the morning. Then a small box of papaya at 10am. Pomegranate at 11 am. Boiled channa/corn/sprouts at 12 noon. 1 or 2 chappathis with a lot of vegetables for lunch at 1.30pm. A small box of grapes/apple at 3pm. An orange at 5 pm. I distributed my fruit consumption throughout the day. Dates, dried fruits and nuts to munch during the day, in the place of oily snacks.

Ø  Sprouts/legumes – a lot! Every day!

Ø  Noodles/pasta with vegetables during the weekends.

Ø  A bowl of Poha/bread upma/oats upma/wheat upma with a lot of vegetables (6-10 veggies) for dinner

Ø  Millet coconut rice/millet rasam rice/millet sambar rice

Ø  Chapathis/paranthas/plain toasted whole wheat bread

Ø  Rice/pulao without ghee or butter or paneer

Ø  Idiappam/ragi-wheat dosa instead of rice dosas

Ø  Ragi/Multi grain/millet kanji with soy milk

Ø  Dal with spinach and a loooooot of vegetables

Ø  I experimented with vegetables and combinations of them and I increased the quantity of vegetables equal to rice/millet or more than what was required for the rotis I ate.

Ø  I included a raw vegetable salad in my meal.

Ø  In the place of junk food, I would eat apple with dried fruits/nuts or a carrot.

(e)  Walk + jog: 
     
     Around mid-April I began walking 4 kms every day, for 45 mins, about 2 hours after dinner, mostly late nights around 11.30pm, because that’s when I had some time for myself. I couldn’t jog at all. I was heavy and had very low stamina when I began. I would pause my jog every few seconds and walk. It got easier with time. I sometimes tried walking back home from work, which was 6 kms. Yes, in Mumbai traffic. I did this for a month or two. After moving to Bangalore in June, I continued walk & jog in the mornings. I would walk anywhere between 2-4 kms, enjoying the morning sun. Slowly my pace increased. Now I can run 5 km without a break.

(f)  What I can still eat: All vegetarian foods minus the dairy.

Idli, dosa, rice, sambar, rasam, vatha kuzhambu, varieties of kozhambu, keerai, dal varieties, all vegetables, paranthas, poha, pasta, noodles, pizza, just anything -I can eat it without dairy included

(g) My current diet:

Ø  One fresh mosambi/orange juice.

Ø  Fruits spread across the day (Minimum 3 fruits a day)

Ø  Ragi/multi-grain/millet kanji with soy milk

Ø  Sprouts and legumes.

Ø  Chapathis or millet for lunch with vegetables

Ø  A lot of dry fruits and nuts, yes, everyday!

Ø  Vegetables for dinner – sautéed/steamed/stir fried. With quinoa. Sometimes, I add mildly-roasted tofu cubes to the vegetables. I use olive oil or sometimes coconut oil for these. A colourful platter. Not bragging, but you would know how colourful my dinner bowls are if you are following me on instagram/facebook.

Ø  A variety of south indian recipes, especially tam-brahm cuisine.

Ø  I DO NOT EAT INSTANT NOODLES. They are vegan, but not healthy.

(h) Nutrients:

Sources of protein: Peanuts, lentils and bean varieties, all nuts, flaxseed, oats, tofu, green peas, whole wheat, soy beans, broccoli, spinach, non-dairy milk, potato, mushrooms, cauliflower, capsicum and cabbage, quinoa, avocado, tomatoes, almost all fruits, and I eat almost all of them every single day more than enough to suffice my daily requirement of protein.

The amount and variety of vegetables I eat everyday, I make sure I get plenty of vitamins!

(i)Vegan replacements:

Vegan milk options: Soy milk, almond milk, coconut milk, hemp milk, oat milk, peanut milk, rice milk, quinoa milk, etc. I use soy milk for an occasional cup of coffee/tea, for oats, for ragi/millet kanji. I even make payasam/kheer with soy milk.  Soy milk is easily available in every super market.

Vegan curd: Soy curd, peanut curd, coconut curd. I get soy curd and peanut curd here in Bangalore. I have used soy curd for some amazing tadka curd rice, I swear you would never find the difference. Also, soy buttermilk is yummy!

Vegan Cheese: I have had Cowvathi vegan cheese, it’s delicious and I could even add it to my home-made pizza. I could use it as spread for sandwiches and much more. There are options of vegan cheese sold by select vegan chefs here in Bangalore. I make creamy cheese with onions, carrots and potatoes with spices, which goes very well for pasta.

Vegan ice cream: Yes, we do have vegan ice cream brands made out of coconut milk/cashew milk. And they are as yum as the ones made out of cow’s milk, in case you are worried about the taste.

Vegan chocolates: Chocolates that do not contain dairy. I eat all dark chocolates that have no milk.

Vegan butter: It’s easy to make at home, with coconut oil. I haven’t tried it yet, because I have been getting supplies of Salted Coconut butter from ‘Carrots’ Restaurant here in Bangalore.

So, here’s what I get from ‘Carrots’ vegan restaurant in Bangalore (yes, they deliver home):

A variety of indian snacks, mousse/tiramisu/cheesecake/cake/cupcakes and even muffins/brownies/donuts/tarts, cookies, sugar free sweets including traditional Indian sweets like gajar ka halwa, besan laddoos, kaju barfi, gulab jamuns, rasamalai, a variety of dips and spreads like -flavoured hummus, mayo, sauces,  vegan breads/pizza/bruschetta and just everything prepared in a cruelty-free and guilt-free way.

Nope, I’m not missing on anything and in fact this has opened up new horizons for my taste-buds.

(j)   Fitness/gym:

I had already lost 19 kilos (Yes, I weigh 62 kgs now) before I joined the gym. I might have lost weight, but that doesn’t mean I’m fit. Fitness is very different from being slim and healthy. So that’s how I decided to join a gym for workouts. I’m lucky to have found an amazing gym! It was mid-september 2017 (just 1.5 months ago) that I joined Whitefield Total Fitness and I must say I’m seeing the results already.

Best thing about the gym: My BMI, muscle strength, endurance, flexibility and many other factors are tested every few weeks and my workouts are changed based on these. I am blessed with an excellent trainer Mr.Sajeesh and he is definitely inspiring. He motivates me to push harder and he makes sure he gives me interesting set of combos (cardio, crossfit, weights, functional training) every day, and he ensures I’m doing better at it than the previous day. I might have just started and I definitely have a very long way to go, but I love this journey.

(k) Things that I am tired of hearing in the last 7 months:

Where do you get your protein from? Everything that I eat. Chicken and milk are not the only sources of protein, honestly.

Plants have feelings too. Haha, I have heard this too many times now that I could snort with laughter. So my meat-eating friends turn hard core plant-loving botanical scientists and tell me how plants can feel the pain. And my response: plants are not sentient beings, animals are. Animals have the same central nervous system that we humans have.

Don’t you feel tired? No. I feel much lighter than before. I am much energized than ever before. I feel like I don’t have to waste all my energy on digestion and I don’t ever feel tired. I’m not starving, I’m eating healthy food. There are vegan body builders and even those who have climbed Mt.Everest.

Don’t you get tempted? No. This is not a diet, it’s a lifestyle. I’m doing this for a cause, something I believe in so strongly. And this is forever. I am not tempted towards food that contain cruelty in any form.

What do you even eat? Everything that is cruelty-free.

You will have deficiencies. I have a well-planned diet and I make sure I balance all my essential nutrients and I don’t know many people eating as many fruits and vegetables as I do.

Don’t call yourself a foodie. Foodie doesn’t mean I have to eat pizza or KFC wings. I eat a lot of varieties of the food I like. In fact, the definition of foodie is ‘A person with a particular interest in food’. I fall very much in this category.

(l)   Also, health benefits of being vegan:

A plant-based vegan diet can reduce the risk of mortality from conditions such as:

Type 2 diabetes

Cardiovascular disease

Ischemic heart disease

Hypertension

Stroke

Obesity

Some cancers including prostate and colon cancer

Vegan diets can be healthy for anyone of any age, including children, pregnant and lactating women, and the elderly.

I know a lot of people who have switched to vegan diets for health reasons, a lot of them have become healthier and got rid of sufferings of some chronic diseases, like arthritis. It improves kidney function, reduces the risk of PCOD, and a variety of other health benefits.

Oh, wait, you know I haven’t had common cold since I changed my lifestyle, from falling sick with cold/flu twice a month.

(m)   Conclusion:

Well, this is almost the end of story. I conclude this by telling you this ‘I have never been healthier’.

I feel healthy and happy and I am glad I made these choices. 

I am not into shaming of meat-eaters or showing hatred towards anyone who has different opinions, but if I could make a change, I would do it with love and a lot of healthy discussions. Someday, I hope to inspire some of you, because I know it makes a difference to this world 😊

PINK: CONSENT IS EVERYTHING

I haven’t watched any of Anirudha Roy Chowdhary’s (five) earlier movies, but I am very happy I watched ‘Pink’. A movie that shocked the audience with the truth about the society we live in. 

Anirudha has held a mirror against us to show where we live in and who we are surrounded with.

Huge respect and a great round of applause (and whistles) to the filmmaker for boldly addressing the country on one of the most important but well evaded subject: Consent. This could be a great beginning for the Indian films to start speaking about all that it has long abstained from.

The film is raw - with no songs, drama, clichés or unnecessary characters, stays focused on the centre of the story without giving in to any distraction. The pace is slow, especially the second half with almost only courtroom scenes, yet is indeed gripping. Apt casting, with power packed performances assures a few goose bumps.

The scene where Meenal helplessly cries on the court stand recalling what she went through, explaining what it feels like to be grabbed and molested, while struggling to prove innocent, made my eyes moist and shudder at the thought of the agony she went through. I’m sure you wanted to tear the screen and land your clenched fists on the annoying lawyer who threw disgusting questions at the protagonists questioning their morals. Your heart goes out to the girls every time they were randomly thrown insults at. The girls were being stalked, threatened, and harassed with inappropriate morphed pictures of them being leaked, losing the job and so much more.

The educated rich guy (who studied from King’s College, London), ended up as a narrow-minded bum who believed girls that drank or behaved friendly DESERVED to be molested. Slap. The pervert neighbour who gawked at the girls every day from his window, testified that the girls returned home late and hence were into prostitution. Slap. The policewoman failed to protect the women on the complaint and ended up faking a reverse story. Slap. Fighting the system (Police, court) and the attackers, they ended up facing the disguised evils of the society - perceived morality, gender biases, hypocrisy, prejudice thoughts and what not.

The film teaches you to be aware of law – introduced you to Zero FIR and the law that a woman can get bail on weekend. The movie did show all the troubles that the women went through for registering a complaint on the boys. But it also teaches you to be brave enough to take action against the wrong doers. The girls made it!

This movie is a reflection of the reality; compilation of all the cases that we have been reading about in the newspapers. It is what may happen to you, me or any other woman.

The movie teaches one thing that many of us weren’t taught about: CONSENT.

FRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, SEX WORKER OR WIFE. NO MEANS NO.

In a country where marital rape is not a criminal offense, the biggest lesson comes from the movie. CONSENT. And NO MEANS NO.

DESTINY MAKES THE ULTIMATE MOVE

It was just another Saturday at home. I was sitting on the couch, laptop in front of me, phone in my hand and the TV switched on and Masterchef Australia was being telecasted.

I was chatting (on Facebook) with an old school friend, wishing her on her engagement and asking about her would-be husband. She said, ‘Mr.S (Let me call him that, privacy reasons). He works in the UK’. I, being the usual curious cat, just searched his name on facebook to see if I can just have a glimpse of him, what he was and how he looked. I landed up in some other Mr.S’ profile, and the first post was this.

“Ms.N (That’s how I wish to mention her here), I still can't believe that I will not be seeing your smiling face on Monday morning or in fact from now on. But that's what comes in my mind when I hear your name. May you be happier and always smiling in the presence of more superior people (GOD) than us. Let him take care of you. May your soul rest in peace.

I don't know what else to say. You were a very good friend to all of us. We will miss you always in our life and we will have one good friend less”

I didn’t know who this person was. I didn’t know the girl mentioned in the post either. But it still shook me to think someone unexpectedly died. Death. It rang hard in my mind. It felt bad.

I was curious again. I clicked on the tagged name and I saw Ms.N’s profile. Beautiful pictures of her and her husband. Her second recent post had this line 'I want the sun, I want the rains, I want the clouds, I want the winter chill, I want it all'. Tch. May be she has them all now. And then, happy pictures. Just like other much-in-love young couples. When I saw those happy pictures, my heart cribbed. I was wondering why life should be so cruel for people. Such a sweet-looking couple, they must have loved each other so much to have not even imagined destiny would do this to them. I went on to see their pictures and posts. Married for one and half years. Tch. A million dreams must have been shattered. At least she turned out to be lucky not to feel the pain that the other must be struggling to live with.

Destiny takes people’s lives through complete unexpected turns and them stabs them so hard. Doesn’t it?

I went on to see her husband Mr.M’s profile. Happier pictures. I wept without tears. Just seeing them happy made me feel terrible, for the smiles may never return this way. The husband, Mr.M, I’m sure cannot smile for a very long time from now. Tch. Cruel fate. So merciless. 

And then I scrolled to read his most recent post (August 8^th):

‘You will always be remembered - From the deepest of my heart!

Love you and miss you a lot...

Ms.N- 13.11.1987 to 01.08.2014’

Some 85 friends had poured in consoling words for the unhealable soul as he explained ‘My wife expired in a tragic accident in Bangalore, on 1st August. She was on a two wheeler returning from office when she got mowed down under the huge wheels of a BMTC bus. She died before reaching hospital, because of excessive loss of blood!!’

I was just thinking of these questions. How much pain he would be undergoing now! How terribly lost he must be feeling! How helpless he would feel! He must be wishing life gives back the only thing he wanted now. One life, the one life that held his world. When I imagined how it must be killing him, I shuddered at the very thought of losing the most beloved one. Life never prepares you for this. It doesn’t give you any option to decide, sometimes. C-R-U-E-L.

I just googled to find out about this accident and I don’t know why I did it.

Three online newspapers said this: A software engineer died under the jurisdiction of White Field traffic police station in Bengaluru when a BMTC bus hit her from the back. N(28), a techie, resides in an apartment on _______. She visited her relatives’ home and was on her way back to their home when this accident occurred.

In the midway to her home, a BMTC Bus hit her from back, when the driver of the bus wanted to overtake the scooter she was riding at that time. During this episode, the victim fell down from the scooter and the bus ran over her head. In this incident Ms.N died at the location of the incident. The bus driver fled away from the spot. A case has been booked and the police have been investigating the matter.

It is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. Awful.

As I went through the shocked and consoling messages pouring in his profile, I had this wildest of wild ideas to write to him. I had no mutual friends with him, of course, my message will end up in his ‘other’ inbox, where he would perhaps never see the message. I didn’t know who he was, or his wife. Yet it felt like I had some connection with them. So, I thought, no harm. I did message him.

I don’t know who you are. You don’t know me. I just happened to stumble upon your profile on facebook through someone else’s and I read the news of your wife’s demise. It was terrible. Very saddening.

News about anyone’s death shakes me. For it makes me weep for their loved ones.

Death. It is horrible enough to create a gaping hole in your life, forever. All the happy memories turn painful to think of. All the dreams, castles build in the minds and hearts, shatter into a million pieces. The pain will stab your heart every day, for many many years from now. Things will not go back. I know it is the destiny that takes humans through such paths. And for reasons many, we cannot fight back destiny and we are obliged to go with what life has in store for us.

But this is how life chooses to make us strong. Through pain, through tears, through memories that kill us. For almost forever.

Months pass by, you will stop crying. Years pass by, you will shut out your memories, just so that you don’t cry. It does not signify that you don’t love or miss your wife anymore. It is just a sign that you are trying to get strong. We as humans, should move on. Move on necessarily does not mean having another person in life to fill the space. It is all about yourself. You will get stronger someday. No matter how handicapped you feel today, you will rise again. For yourself. For your family. For your wife who doesn’t want to see you sad and broken, no matter how far she is seeing you from now.

And when people leave the world, they do subconsciously teach us lessons to live alone and stronger. And someday, you will be strong enough to push back memories that will break you.

It is going to take many months and years.

But someday, it will be better. No matter how impossible it seems now.

When my grandfather passed away, I couldn’t accept it. It was the first death that I saw. Someone who lived with me since the day I was born, had to leave us, one day. After 21 yrs of seeing him every day, I couldn’t accept that he was not going to be with me at my home anymore. I was furious at death. I wrote 18 sad poems missing him and crying for months. For a year. For a few more months after that.

Then, I stopped thinking about him. Just so that I will not cry. I had to beat back the guilt of not thinking of him, just so that I will grow stronger.

I know that talking about the death of a grandpa is no match to that of a wife, someone you consider as the world, but this, perhaps, is the only way I can talk about what I felt about death.

And then someday I became strong enough to respect death and then I wrote this.

The beauty in life after

The old yellow leaf

Let go from its world,

Floats in the air,

And swings its way down,

To place itself on the grey tomb.

The birds chirp sweetly,

In a sound that is almost music.

The leaves of the dark green trees,

Rustling in the wind,

Makes the place colder.

The loud silence is ending.

The dew drops are drying.

The sun is almost peeping out.

The insects crawl back home.

The breeze sings the hymns.

A beautiful morning.

In the most genuine place ever.

A place that paves way to heaven.

Millions of memories stay reduced in a stone.

The most genuine emotions stay contained in the place.

A place with dried tears of love.

A place where the blessed and the sinned are laid,

To reach the destined place away from the world.

A world of its own.

A life after the life.

After meeting the ultimate truth.

The truth of death.

The one truth that cannot be denied.

The truth that is most true of all.

The truth that one has to accept.

That comes calling the one time.

Most feared, yet it bores beauty to it.

It has to be embraced when its time.

With a smile that says all.

It has to be loved the way one loves life.

It has to be respected for what it is.

The most genuine truth.

The one that makes the world as much as the life.

The one that makes us ponder.

And yearn for love when you wait for it.

Death is the harsh truth that we end up accepting.

Life will go on, no matter what.

It will get better someday.

Someday, very far from now.

Today, this might be just one of the many condolence messages pouring in,

No words will suffice to console a grieving heart,

But someday this message might make sense.

Brace your heart, don’t let it break anymore.

You should get stronger.

You should lead your life for all the meaning it still possesses.

You will be okay someday.

Someday.

With this, I just limited myself to think about them for a few times a day and just glance at the end of the message to see if he has read it. Though I don’t expect him to. I expect nothing. My heart leapt up to them. I wanted to talk to them, as much as I feel like I know them. I tried my bit to reach out to him. That is all I can do. Isn’t it?

There must be many such husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children and lovers grieving about someone they lost. It is like a holding a world made of glass and then watch it shatter into pieces that you cannot hold anymore or even grasp from thin air. Nothing can heal them. But may be a little more love can soothe the wounds? May be a little care and concern may help them grieve less? For they may know they are not alone in this world.

May everyone be blessed and life be less painful!